


grab my hand, i'm drowning

by badwolfkaily



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, maybe some mommy kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwolfkaily/pseuds/badwolfkaily
Summary: After Villanelle decides she wants to give everything up she goes to Eve.
Relationships: Eve Polastri & Villanelle | Oksana Astankova, Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 6
Kudos: 135





	grab my hand, i'm drowning

**Author's Note:**

> My first Killing Eve fic, enjoy!

Eve was the spark in Villanelle’s darkness, she saw her, like really saw her. She accepted her, her darkness and all. And Villanelle didn’t feel like Villanelle anymore, she wanted to be Oksana again. Was she ever Oksana? Eve saw that part of her and Villanelle wanted to be that for her. She knew nothing she did would absolve of all the lives she took.

And that night when the moon was full and even the moonlight couldn’t hide the blood that stained her hands. She came to Eve with tears in her eyes and as reluctant as Eve was she let her into her apartment. Villanelle knew she shouldn’t have come, she had to leave her behind so she could hide. But she wanted Eve to save her, just this once to save her from her demons and from those sure to hunt her down.

She felt helpless and weak like a child as Eve led her to her bathroom and sat her on the toilet while she started the bath. Villanelle felt the gentleness of Eve’s hand, hands that she made kill, lifting her chin to look her in the face.

“I’m going to help you, Villanelle, just don’t be a dick alright?”

And Villanelle’s lip trembled and Eve pulled her up and started undressing her and Villanelle let her. She’d never felt so small, naked in front of another person, her confidence seemed shattered. The warm touch of Eve’s fingers running over the scar on her abdomen makes her shiver but then that warmth is gone and Eve’s voice rushes over her as she instructs her to get into the bathtub.

She can’t stop seeing the blood on her hands and she tries so hard to wash it all away but won’t wash away. Eve calms her hands and she proceeds to pour hot water over her, Villanelle thinks this is the first time someone washed her with such care. Like lovers do. But this time Villanelle can actually feel it.

She feels.

And when she’s done Eve holds a large towel out for her to step into and wraps her in it and holds her for a moment. Then Eve lets her go and brings her back a pair of sweats and a baggy shirt to change into.

_ Why isn’t she scared of me? _

_ Why isn’t she hitting me? _

_ Why did she let me in? _

_ I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve anything. _

Eve makes her eat and Villanelle almost protests but hadn’t realized how hungry she was till Eve insisted she eat something. And Villanelle silently cries through her whole meal but she does as she’s told and she eats it. Eve hands her a bottle of water afterwards and tells her to drink, who knows when she’s last hydrated herself. And again Villanelle does as she is told and drinks the water while Eve does the dishes.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Villanelle wants to be stubborn and say no but she can’t deny Eve with that look in her eyes of wanting to help her, to take care of her. 

_ When did she get so bold? _

So Villanelle tells her everything and she cries like she’s never cried before and she clutches at her chest like her heart is breaking, like it’s beating for the first time in forever.

Because she’s alive.

She’s alive and she feel’s things.

The guilt and the sadness.

Eve holds her no matter how much Villanelle tries to push her away.

_ When did she become so strong? _

_ Or did she make me weak? _

And when she’s all cried out Eve lets her go and comes back with an extra toothbrush and a fresh washcloth and lets her clean herself up in the bathroom.

Villanelle can barely stand to look at her reflection in the mirror, she doesn’t look like herself.

Villanelle or Oksana?

_ Who am I? _

Villanelle is surprised when Eve lets her share her bed, even when she insists that she can sleep on the couch. Eve just puts a finger to Villanelle’s lips to stop her from talking and tells her she’s sleeping in her bed.

Neither of them is the same person they used to be before they came into each other's lives.

Villanelle feels Eve’s body spoon hers, her arm wrapping around her stomach and pulling her close. Like it’s something they’ve always done and the touch makes Villanelle’s stomach muscles tense up like she’s never been touched before and she’s sensitive to the feeling of another human being’s touch.

Nightmares come and Eve is there each time to wake her. Every time Eve saves her no matter how much Villanelle feels she doesn’t deserve it. No one's ever taken care of her like this before.

Villanelle wonders who she’ll be tomorrow, if she’ll still feel or if she’ll go back into the darkness and be that monster again.

She doesn’t want to have to leave Eve, she wants to stay. 

_ Please let me stay. _

But Eve said she’ll help her so Villanelle thinks she can let someone take care of her for once, it's hard, no matter how much she feels she doesn’t deserve it.

All Villanelle knows is she wants a place to call home. No more running.

She wants a home.

She wants Eve.


End file.
